Parenting Tip of the Day: When conflict occurs,ask yourself, “What is my intention in this situation? Do I intend to make my child feel bad and “pay” for his crime?” or, “Do I want to teach my child to reflect on his choices, change them, and develop self control?”
If you deliver consequences with the aim of making your child feel guilty, you will lead the child to focus on his inadequacy. It’s likely that 1) Your child may chastise himself and feel bad about himself or 2) He may blame others for being mean in order to defend himself against feeling bad. Neither of these will inspire him to reflect. Parents often think that if a child feels bad about a misdeed, he won’t repeat that behavior – that is a myth!
~Ashlee W. Roberts, 800-CHILDREN Parent Helpline Director